Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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