What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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