Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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