My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Operation Purity has been aborted
I just found a bag of teeth...
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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