your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
All the doctor said was why
Randomize