nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
