So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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