windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize