Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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