I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
