pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
