she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
