the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize
