good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
