I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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