Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
