What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
