So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
