I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
