I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
