I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You are a genius and a whore.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
