No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
