I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
