and my herpes radar will keep us safe
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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