why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
