I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
you will always have a special place in my vag
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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