Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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