bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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