I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
this hospital has no fireball
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
