I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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