We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
