I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
