I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
