just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
