we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize