umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
