WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
