i need an iv and a liver transplant
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
