literally had 100 drinks last night.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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