Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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