just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
