Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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