I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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