Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
