We won't sleep together?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
