i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Best friends brother. Beat that.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
