Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
