boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize