I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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