I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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