I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize