fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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