I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
