She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
