Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Two words: nipple clamps
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