Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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