Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
