Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
