Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
