Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
