ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
She announced her abortion via fbk
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
