Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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