i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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