Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
