gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
