My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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