the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
