is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
