so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
