i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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