Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
zippers are such a cool invention
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
