so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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