I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
